"Well we figure if we go back
as lesbians we still get to have sex with
woman..." says Mike,
"...plus" adds Steve " we get to play from
the ladies tee."
One day, a
man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
An ardent golfer
travels to Japan on business. After 3 days
of intense meetings, he's
exhausted. After work he decides to go
out and get some dinner, and
maybe have a few drinks. Well, after a
few beers and some saki, he's feeling a little horny. He
decides to go down the street to
a geisha bar. After a few more drinks
he hires one of the women to go back to his hotel for
some action.
They go back, begin to fool
around, and eventually end up on the bed. As
they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then
screaming. As she catches her
breath, she begins shouting, "Shin- Wa!
Shin-Wa!"
The guy doesn't speak any
Japanese, but is having the best sex of his
life, and he's pretty proud of himself for giving the
Geisha
such a great time. After they're
done, he pays her, and she leaves,
barely able to walk out of the room.
The next day, the businessman
has to play golf with the CEO of the
Japanese company he had been meeting with. Everything
goes
great . . . they get to the 18th
hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt
to make par, and have the best round of his life. He
takes his time, lines it
up, and sinks it!
The ardent golfer is
so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with
the Japanese he had learned
and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!
"
The CEO turns round to him
and says, "What do mean, wrong hole?"
A man goes
to the confessional and says, "Forgive me Father,
for I
have sinned."
"What
is your sin, my child?" The Priest asks.
"Well,"
the man starts, "I used the 'F'-word today and I
feel so terrible."
"Why
don't you tell me what happened. What made you use such
awful
language?" asked the Priest.
"Well,
I was out golfing and I hit this incredible drive that
looked like
it was going to go over 250 yards, but the ball hit a
phone line
hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the
ground after
going about 100 yards."
"I'm a
golfer myself my son" said the Priest "I
understand what you
were feeling. So this is when you swore?"
"No
Father," said the man,
"You
see, after that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and
grabbed my
ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"And
this is when you swore?" asked the Father again.
"No not
yet. Just as the squirrel was running away, this eagle
came down
out of the sky and grabbed the squirrel in his talons
and began to
fly away!"
"And it
was then that you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.
"No,
not yet," replied the man, "Just as the eagle
was flying away
with the squirrel he flew towards a wooded area next to
the
green. And
as he passed over it, the squirrel dropped my
ball."
"Did
you swear then, my son?" asked the now impatient
Priest.
"No,
because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced
through some
bushes, careened off a big rock, and then rolled through
a
sand trap
and on to the green and stopped dead six inches from
the
hole!" told the man.
The priest
sighed, Jesus
Christ you missed putt, didn't you!!
A man was about to tee off on
the golf course when he felt a tap on
his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read
"I am a deaf mute. May I
play through, please?"
The first man angrily gave the
card back, and communicated that: No,
he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not
give
him such a right.
He then teed up his ball, and
with a mighty swing of his pitching wedge
lobbed the ball right on the green for a par 3. Just
as he
was about to putt the ball into
the hole he was hit on the head with
a golf ball, laying him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes
later, he looked around and saw the deaf
mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the
other
hand holding up 4 fingers.
It was a sunny Saturday
morning on the course and I was beginning my
pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot,
when a voice
came over the clubhouse
loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on
the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I was still deep in my
routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement, "Would
the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the
men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and
kept concentrating, when once more, the
man yelled:
"Would the man on the
woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!
I finally stopped, turned,
looked through the clubhouse window directly
at the person with the microphone and shouted
back,
"Would the person in
the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play
my second shot?"
