CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MARRIED COUPLE
Woman: Would you get
married again? Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not --
don't you like being married? Man: Of course I do. Woman:
Then why wouldn't you remarry? Man: Okay, I'd get married
again. Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan) Woman: Would you sleep with her in our
bed? Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put
away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would
seem like the proper thing to do. Woman: And would you let her use
my golf clubs? Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence) Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I am, to even it up a bit you have to give me two 'gotchas.' The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer 100. pounds "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well, "said the pro. "l was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the man stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling "Gotcha!" "Ouch! " said the guy " I can see why you lost that hole but how come you lost the game?" "Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second *gotcha to come***** ? The company chairman,
about to attempt a putt on the twelfth hole, noticed a funeral
procession passing and suddenly paused. He placed his cap over his heart
and waited until the procession was out of sight before taking a sight
on the ball again. Letterman's
Top Ten Reasons Golf Is Better Than Sex
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long A FEW PUNS
FROM THE WORLD OF GOLF If a lot
of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. I
don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. It's good
sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. If you drink, don't drive Don't even putt. !!!!!!! They say
golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. If
you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. How was your golf game,
dear?" asked Jack's wife.
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| Subject:: Achievements
of the modern medicine
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf
together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best
surgeon in Texas.
One of the others said. "That's
nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I
reattached them, and 2 years later he won gold medal in field events
in the Olympics."
A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's a*s and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States." Lady Golfer
A husband and wife are
playing a round of golf together. They're walking up to the 9th
tee and the wife decides to go ahead to the ladies tees to hit her
tee shot. The husband doesn't know that she went ahead so he goes
ahead and hits his tee shot. His tee shot hits his wife in the
head and kills her instantly. They go to the doctor to determine
the cause of death. The doctor says without a doubt the women was
killed by a golf ball. But the doctor tells the husband that he
also found a golf ball 5 inches up her rectum. The husband
replies, "Oh yeah, that was my mulligan."
A OLD MAN AND HIS GRANDSON
WERE PLAYING GOLF. WHEN THEY GOT TO THE 9TH HOLE THE OLD MAN HIT
HIS BALL ABOUT 125 YARDS. HIS GRANDSON'S BALL LANDED DIRECTLY
BEHIND A CEDAR TREE. THE MAN SAYS "BOY WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I
COULD HIT MY BALL OVER THAT TREE" THE BOY TRIES WHAT THE MAN
HAD SAID AND HIT THE TOP OF THE TREE .HIS BALL FALLS UNDER IT.
THE OLD MAN REPLIED "COURSE THIS TREE WASN'T BUT 8 FEET TALL!!!
Two men walk up to a relatively
long par three. The golfer looks at his caddy and says,
"Looks like a four wood and a putter from here." The
caddy hands him the four wood and he tops it about five feet in
front of him. The caddy immediately hands him his putter and
responds, "It looks like you got one hell of a putt
left!"
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