A young man and a priest
are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks,
The young man says,
"An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray." The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down." ---------------------------------------------------- Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks,
"Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her, hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five." ------------------------------------------------------------ A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball
and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit
through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the
forehead and killed
him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer", to which the man replied: Got here in two, didn't I?" ----------------------------------------------------- The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"? He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?
....................................................
A
foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, while another foursome
of women is hitting from the ladies' tees. --------------------------------------------------- A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going cost us, so they walked over to the house and knocked on the door, a warm voice said come in please. so they opened the door and saw all the damage : glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.A man that was reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window? Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that,' the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.' 'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million pounds a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters! And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?' 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.' The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?' 'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you! So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?' 'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. NO SHIT.' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
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